i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
