Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
