if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Who died my cat blue again?
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