I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
