life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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