Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
