he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
