you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
