he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
