I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
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