I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
