Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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