So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Did I show you my penis last night?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
