I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
