Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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