matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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