I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
