i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
should my penis look like a turkey
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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