I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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