Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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