Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
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