I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
