Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
