are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
