I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I'm always down for nudity.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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