You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Randomize
