Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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