My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
