Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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