she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Vodka?
Forever.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
