That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
How does it feel to date your dad?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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