we have officially lost it.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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