The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
