i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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