No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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