I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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