the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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