Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
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