What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
