I hope mine doesn't look like that
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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