I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
