just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
