i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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