It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
