my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
