Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
