the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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