Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
