I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
