It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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