Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
